Dating after partner’s death and burning out. Give advice to this Hax question. Dear Carolyn: I’m a 42-year-old woman who lost my longtime partner and love of my life very suddenly three years ago. The grief and shock were unimaginable and incapacitating, but I did a ton of work and built myself a strong community to come through it and heal. Today I’m doing really well. About nine months ago, I decided I was ready to try to date. I’d had negative experiences with online dating in my 20s (lots of ghosting/bad dates/things going nowhere), and I was reluctant to try again. But after several unsuccessful efforts at dating events, I got online. Months later I feel like I’m trapped in a cycle of swiping, anticipation and disappointment. I’ve met a ton of people and had some fun dates but nothing like a real connection; I feel like I’m investing so much time and effort in something that’s going nowhere. I’m burned out and frustrated. People say to keep trying, that it’s a numbers game and insist it’s the only way. I have a great job and lot of hobbies and communities — church, dance, pottery — but have not met any single men my age out in the wild. None of my friends know any single guys to set me up with. All this makes me think they’re right, and my only option is dating apps. Should I just give up and not actively pursue dating, thinking instead that maybe I’ll get lucky one day, but I can’t force it? Should I suck it up, keep swiping and going on mediocre dates with the hope that the next swipe right could be the one? How does one meet cool single people once you’re 42, and it seems everyone is married? I’m at a loss and worry the one chance at love I had in my life is gone. — Out Of Options Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. | 
