| Dear Carolyn: I can’t seem to get a hold of this one, and that is unusual for me. By all accounts, I have (and have had) a pretty good life. I had a professional career turned into a sub-career in favor of raising the kids (no regrets there). Husband is a good provider, good friend, good father and open to therapy when we’ve needed it. We have two grown children who are both thriving in their jobs and social situations in a major city several hours away, and one adorable dog who is excited to see me every day. I am retiring soon from my second career that I only pursued because it was family friendly. I have friends in our community — no “best friend” couple we hang out with, but enough socialization to be part of a “group.” I’ve started pursuing outside activities (think “pickleball” and “pottery”) and look forward to having time to attend to tasks that have been underprioritized, as well as to read, write, think, etc. I am trying to adjust to this time of life — the empty nest and all that. But I often feel empty, bordering on weepy and what is the point of it all now? I am an extrovert. When the kids were around, there was activity, people, measured chaos. My husband is an introvert. I need more than he can give, and now that the dust has cleared with the kids gone, I am feeling this need intensely. I realize that my life’s work was my children. I poured everything into them to give them the best opportunities in life, to help them see their strengths and help them develop into decent people. And it worked. All of it. I feel so proud of them and of me, honestly. But now they are gone living their lives, checking in with stories and recipe requests, but processing life with roommates, significant others, etc. I respect my children’s time and distance, and they have acknowledged that in a positive way. And we are fortunate enough to be able to travel to fun places and include the kids when they are available. So what am I whining about? I just feel SO LOW sometimes and have trouble pulling out of it. How do I manage this third chapter in my life when I feel like the best part is behind me? I’m doing all the things, and they don’t fill the void. — It Went by So Fast |
