Hi Iza,

I watched one of the most powerful women I knew slowly disappear.
And I only know exactly what happened, because I’ve let this happen too before.

When I met her, she was electric. She'd walk into a room and you'd feel her. Bold. Her own 7 figure business she was obsessed with. A strong sense of self that existed completely separate from her relationship. 

Then, slowly, I started noticing her change a few years in.

She couldn't see friends on Sundays anymore… "that's his day."
Then she stopped wearing makeup…"he doesn't like it."
Then certain clothes were out …"he thinks they're too revealing."
Then she couldn’t have dinner at a normal time…”I have to wait until he’s home at 9pm”

At first I thought, okay, he's a bit particular and she definitely prioritises her man. 
But then she fell pregnant.

"Make sure I don't lose myself. Please. I don't want to be one of those mums whose whole world is nipples, poos and play dates. I need to keep ME."

I promised her I wouldn’t.
Then the baby came, and his demands started.

“Shut down your business”
“You need to be a SAHM” 
“Don’t go to the gym, just work out at home”
"Dress like a mum"

She told me she didn’t want that.
But then?

Suddenly she wanted to work out at home.
Suddenly she wanted to give up the business.
Suddenly she wanted to be home full time.
Suddenly she wanted to dress differently.

Suddenly she wanted every single thing he wanted.
Within a year she was a completely different person. And not because motherhood softened her. Or her values changed. 

She stopped advocating for herself.

Please note: There’s NOTHING wrong with shutting down your business to be a mum but there is something wrong with doing it because it’s what someone else wants, not you. 
There's a name for it…cognitive dissonance.

When you're pressured into living against your own values long enough, your brain can't tolerate the contradiction, so it changes the values to match the behaviour instead of changing the behaviour. It's easier to believe "I chose this" than to feel "I gave in." So the mind picks the comfortable lie. That's how you get manipulated into a life and genuinely feel like you chose it.

Now…this is the part that's actually about you. And I want you to see where you’re just like my friend.

1. Think of ONE thing. Right now. A hobby, a routine, a value, a part of your life you used to love and protect…that you've quietly let go of since you got close to someone. A partner, a friend, a parent, a boss.
   
   Maybe it's the gym at 6am. Reading in bed on Sunday morning. The friends you don't see anymore. The way you used to dress. The trips you stopped taking.
   
   The thing you started to de-value “suddenly.”

2. That ONE thing you named? Put it back. Go to the gym. Book the trip. Reopen the doc. Reclaim your Sunday morning. Not as a fight with them…as a promise to you.

And strategically watch what comes up for them when you do. Their reaction will tell you everything about whether you were slowly manipulated to change your values. This is the exact work I do inside my membership. Getting clear on what you want. Standing up for yourself. Knowing yourself. 

And becoming someone who….can’t be manipulated. 

You know where I am if you want to go deeper. Join me​ here.

As always, if these ones land for you, reply and tell me. I read every single one.
I’m wanting to write more emails about experiences I've personally gone through.

Please let me know if you enjoy these more.

Lots of love,
Felicity x